My 2019 Mantra - The Mormon Trauma Mama

Last year instead of writing New Year resolutions (which I have never been a fan of), I made three statements of “I am” on my birthday: I am worthy; I am enough; I am unashamed. They became my mantra for the year.

I didn’t fully comprehend what I was doing last year by identifying these three truths. Yet consequently, as I internalized them, I experienced more growth and change within a year’s time than I have probably ever had. The impact they have had on me has been overwhelmingly powerful. Imagine my surpirse when I came across the words above by Joel Osteen because they have indeed been my experience this past year.

This birthday I add three more:

I am present.

Maybe this sounds funny but for too much of my life, I have lived in the past or in the future, which (HELLO!) is never fully satisfying. I cannot go back and change the past nor can I live in the future. I only have what IS currently present. I am here right now and I can only fully appreciate and enjoy life if I am PRESENT in it–if I breathe it in deeply and accept and notice whatever is before and within me. The present provides so much opportunity for learning and growth if we embrace whatever IS—ALL of it, even the pain (and maybe especially the pain), for pain is a powerful teacher. And for me, because this year has promoted so much growth (albeit very hard), I am more excited than ever to be fully present. I finally have–or am gaining–the tools to help me navigate joyfully in the NOW as never before. The mind is a powerful entity and I plan to use it wisely as I continue on this road of inner freedom and presence. I am on a HAPPY journey—because that’s my intention and my truth—and I don’t want to miss a moment!

I am at peace.

The rediscovery of this truth has been a real journey. I have come to realize that I do not have to prove myself to anyone. Over the course of the year, many people have been disappointed in me–MANY PEOPLE—probably more than ever before in my life. I’ve disappointed people I don’t even know; I’ve disappointed people I hardly even see; I have disappointed people I know very personally. At nearly every level, there has been disappointment. But in it all, I have not disappointed me! Rather, my personal acceptance, resolve, and vision have strengthened! This has been a great lesson for me. I have come to really comprehend that before I can please anyone, I have to please myself and this is something I used to put on the backburner. I realized that too often in order to please others, I would deny myself of my own needs. This order never works. Sometimes the best answer is a firm “no” or “I’ve changed my mind.” I’m learning to say this without shame. I’m learning to stand in my power and hold my head up. There is no rush and I will no longer be rushed. I am at peace with who I am and the choices I have made. I am at peace with me. No one can rob me of my inner peace unless I allow them that power. When I am at peace with me, I am at peace with what others may say or think of me. My happiness is not dependent on the external. My happiness is solely according to what is going on inside of me. I was taught–and bought into–a misaligned principle on happiness, which is what I am reconditioning and retraining my mind in this year. And I am at peace with the time it will take for me to do so.

I am whole.

All of my life I have thought that I was insufficient, that something was wrong with me, that I needed fixing in order to be acceptable. I was taught this over and over. I no longer believe this. It is a very hurtful belief. The truth is I am whole. I am complete. I am beautiful. I am perfectly all right just as I am.

I have made some changes in my life to align and position this statement to become more of a reality within my soul. I have removed or limited myself from environments that are not healing—from environments that condemn, reduce, and ridicule. By doing so, I have noticed so much healing has occurred! It astounds me. But I have not just changed the environments that I enter, I have also really worked on reconditioning my mind to believe the glorious truth that I am whole. I am learning a great deal about how to treat my whole self. It is truly an exercise. To assist me, I have started doing yoga and meditation; I am reading some amazing books (The Untethered Soul, The Power of Now, The Four Agreements, The Seat of the Soul, The Road to Character–books I would have never allowed myself to read before); I am filling my mind with uplifting podcasts that remind me to honor the godliness inside of me–and all of you (SuperSoul Conversations was a good start for me. It led me to several other inspiring podcasts); I am increasing my cognitive flexibility as I’m gaining knowledge about the mind (I’ll complete my Master’s in pastoral counseling this year [2019]—yay!!). Through all of these actions, I am relearning the truth that has always been inside me just bursting to come forth: I am not deficient! I am whole! AND…I am doing great!