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Church Was Not Sustaining My Spiritual Growth
By Tired of the Rhetoric I no longer attend church. Why? I found the lessons and manuals to be surface and repetitive. I found that there was a lack of real, genuine dialogue because the majority of the members in my ward simply wanted to show up, repeat the same rhetoric, and go home. That was not sustaining for my spiritual growth and ultimately was harmful to my faith. In order to protect and further develop my faith, I stopped attending. You can call it what you want–I call it wisdom. How can we encourage greater depth and genuine dialogue in our RS/Quorum council meetings? In what ways can we…
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My Son Is Gay
By On Defense Church was too much for me. I was always on the defense in sacrament meeting and with every class taught. I was also on constant defense with the bishopric. My son came out in 1994 at the age of 16. I could hardly handle the stress of someone saying something about homosexuality. How can we be more sensitive of people whose family members are LGBTQ or who are themselves? In what ways can church members help those in these situations feel safe at church?
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I Didn’t Fit In
By Former Church Attender I no longer attend. But when I believed and attended, I felt that church helped me be a better person. But it was so extremely hard to go alone with my kids. I felt judged and like I didn’t fit in. I used to say, “I believe in the church but it is also the hardest thing I do all week.” Now that I don’t go, I feel so much better. I have more confidence in myself and I realize I don’t need the church to tell me how to be a good person. I am a good person and can find my strength from within.…
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I Was Kicked Out of YSA
By Hurt by Age Getting kicked out of the YSA Ward was and still is traumatic and hurtful. Even though I think it was too far for me to travel there so often, I still needed it. But it was determined for me that I’m over the hill. That hurts so much. Should the Church determine when one is done with a certain ward simply based on age? How can we help those who are in this situation? Should and can exceptions be made to accommodate individual needs?
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Loving God’s Family
By Danna Hartline A pig and a chicken were walking down the street one day when they passed a billboard advertising “America needs a good breakfast.” The picture showed two over-easy eggs and several beautiful strips of bacon. The chicken said, “Doesn’t that make you proud to see that we contribute daily to better America?” The pig thought for a moment then said, “That’s easy for you to say. For you it’s just a contribution, but for me it requires my life—a total commitment.” And so it was with the life and ministry of our Savior, Jesus Christ. His mission was not just to contribute to the world, but to…
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When Trauma Comes from Father Figures or Forced Termination
In my ADAM Conference presentation, I referred to an article on PTSD. Here is the excerpt from that article, which was actually my own writing. The full article is attached below. When Trauma Is Inflicted by Father Figures. When trauma is intentional, it is a blow to the whole psychological system. Victims of unintentional trauma (natural disaster) show a much greater likelihood of experiencing a decrease in symptoms over time whereas those who are victims of intentional trauma (something inflicted on purpose) tend to show an increase in symptoms over time (Brew, 2017). One of those great trauma-imposers seems to be when it comes from authoritarian figureheads. Perhaps the hardship…
- Abuser Loyalty, ADAM Conference, Danna Hartline's articles, Dissociation, Effects of Trauma on the Family, Mormon Culture, Post Traumatic Church Syndrome, Trauma vs. Offense
ADAM Conference Presentation
Not a perfect performance or video footage but it is what it is. 🙂
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Mormonism Can Be Good; Mormonism Can Be Bad
Travis and Devin are both active in the LDS Church. They both perform their church duties, pay their tithing, read their scriptures, and pray daily. However, their motivations for doing so are totally different. Travis’s reasons for church attendance and personal commitments are due to intrinsic motivations—because of deep devotion to God; while Devin’s purposes are extrinsic motivations—because of the need to appear “good” and for social status. It sounds pretty simple to say that Travis is on a higher plain than Devin and that Travis will fare better than Devin in the long run. We often hear this. (“I don’t go for others; I go to strengthen my relationship…
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The Effects of Trauma on the Family
I want to talk about how trauma affects families. I think we often do not consider the devastating effects of trauma beyond the individual. To get our minds focused, I want to share a few responses as to why people stopped attending church from my Church Trauma surveys. I want you to pay attention and consider how the whole family was likely affected by these traumatic experiences: [I quit attending church because] I had trauma due to my husband’s addiction. [I quit going to church because] I am going through a divorce. It is not my fault but being a man, I was blamed for it. [I quit attending church…
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Successful Navigation Might Require Us to Break the Rules Sometimes
I read a book once about how to drive through life successfully. It had a lot of great points but I thought it was too simple-minded and rigid. Sometimes we are presented with situations that require hard, less popular answers and solutions. I want to address four principles that can help us get past these complex forks in the road so that we can continue successfully and faithfully navigating on the road of life: 1. Sometimes We Have to Go Out of the Lines Often we get the idea that while navigating through life, we must always stay in the lines. On the surface, this seems like a very good idea and crucial to good navigation. I agree actually. I think mostly…
