By Over-achieving Elder’s Quorum President I was serving as a president of the Elder’s Quorum in my ward several years ago.  I was working hard and having some success.  Through following the handbook and working hard, we got monthly home teaching percentages over 70%!  That is unheard of in most quorums.  It was an over 40 point increase! I went in for my priesthood interview with a member of the stake presidency and the high councilor.  I shared with him what we were doing and he began to berate me.  He told me that this was not good enough and that 100% home teaching was the only thing acceptable in the church. …

By Hair-Is-My-Identity Male A thing of importance to me, like how a person’s skin being on their body was important, was my hair. Originally it was for aesthetic reasons but later grew into both aesthetic and health reasons. I might’ve been a fat, pimply, goth kid, but one aesthetic potential I had was my hair and it’s length. To me, at the time (and in some ways still) humans have few naturally aesthetic qualities but hair was one. This caused a little stigma outside of church, but nothing significant. Inside church, even at a non-Utah ward, there were pressures for me to “cut it.” “it’s just hair right? It’ll grow back”…

By Temple-avoider Female You may think this really strange, but I had a person that I had become very best friends with create such anxiety about going to the temple that I didn’t even want to go. At every turn she was cautioning me about what not to do and what not to forget. I was so uptight about it that my first time through for my endowments was a nightmare for me. When the temple worker walked up to me and extended his hand to lead me to the veil I nearly screamed. I had a panic attack trying to get my robe on, and felt absolutely none of the…

By Hurt & Stuck I like the message of the gospel, but it only teaches the ideal and not how to handle abusive relationships.  I wish women weren’t forced to stay in abusive situations.  The church doctrine makes me want to kill myself rather than get divorced.  Everything else is okay.  But the church teaches people to endure abuse because it will sanctify you.  If you speak up, they shame you for being ungrateful.  You should be grateful that your situation isn’t worse.  So keep your mouth shut. **How can male leaders become more aware of the problems faced by women in abusive marriages, believing their stories without question when…

By Unpleasant Memories I appreciated the music and the communal aspects of coming together when I attended church.  Since many of our friends were Mormon as well and many of our activities were church-centered, of course I have some pleasant memories.  The unpleasant parts of being raised Mormon have to do with racism, sexism, and homophobia built into the doctrine and the culture of the church.  At a very young age, many teachings did not feel right or the teachings seemed to conflict with the way many of the members lived their lives.  As a youth, I spent many nights worrying about outer darkness and being tortured for sins I…

By Jessica Martin I remember a very distinct moment of taking my then bald child to church for the first time after being diagnosed with cancer. One of our then “good” friends was passing the sacrament. I remember seeing that deer in the headlight look. Fast forward and they are no longer friends. I find it interesting that our nurses warned us we would lose friends with a child fighting cancer. Reflecting back, here are my thoughts: 1. Our situation changed us. Things that use to be big things to us are no longer big things. While it’s not right, the friends we lost just didn’t have much in common…

By False Doctrine We are down to just attending sacrament meeting occasionally.  I find the talks full of tripe and mostly evangelical rather than true doctrine.  I stopped attending Sunday school after the teacher flat out told falsehoods a couple of times.  They could easily be refuted with scripture but when I refuted them, everyone gave me the stink eye like I was being mean.  And then I stopped attending Relief Society when it became clear that the entire group of women were irrationally depressed and overly focused on church to the point of sacrificing all else including their own happiness.  There was and is no joy in these groups. …

By A Proud Democrat I am NOT a Republican, and many years ago when certain members found that out, I was pretty much shunned because I am a Democrat.  I finally came to grips with the fact that this was church members, NOT the Church itself.  I considered leaving the Church but I decided I would NOT let people run me out. How can politics get in the way of worship?  How can we be more accepting of differing views and opinions?  

By Gossip Averse I generally enjoyed serving people in the church.  I did not enjoy the leadership roulette – some leaders were okay but some were on priesthood power trips.  I did not enjoy the sexism.  I did not enjoy the constant judgment and gossip over the most trivial things by some members (Her dress is too short; Are they having marital problems?; Did that person not take the sacrament – Why not?  She does her visiting teaching; How many children does she have?; Did you know she works full time?; She’s been divorced – and on and on and on.)  Just very poor behavior.  No thank you! **How can…

By Tired of the Rhetoric I no longer attend church.  Why?  I found the lessons and manuals to be surface and repetitive.  I found that there was a lack of real, genuine dialogue because the majority of the members in my ward simply wanted to show up, repeat the same rhetoric, and go home.  That was not sustaining for my spiritual growth and ultimately was harmful to my faith.  In order to protect and further develop my faith, I stopped attending.  You can call it what you want–I call it wisdom. How can we encourage greater depth and genuine dialogue in our RS/Quorum council meetings?  In what ways can we…